The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
