Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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