Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
