Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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