Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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