trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
