conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
