I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I want is dick and wine.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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