I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
