honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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