Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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