I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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