Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
