Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have aggressive nipples.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
