it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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