I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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