I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
