Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
