I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
