I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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