i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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