lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
