im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize