If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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