You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hippo gnu deer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
