Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
