If that was your dad, he is hot
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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