I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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