My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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