there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
