Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
