I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
