shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
