so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
