Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
