CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
