Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
