ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
