does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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