Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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