I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
