who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
