I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
