Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
