Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
