just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
