I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
