If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
