I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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