I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
