Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
