I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
