I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
