Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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