A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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