The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
