Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
