1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
