Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
