I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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