I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
