Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
