Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
