he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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