my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
