I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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