Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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