I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
