It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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