did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
