I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she peed on how many people?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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