So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
