He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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