she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
