Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
