Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
