it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
