I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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