I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
